Oh NFL, you never disappoint us. Week 1 of the 2014 season delivered with some amazing games, surprising upsets, and enough play-makers to make us question all of our fantasy football draft decisions.
Disclaimer: We didn’t watch all the games because we don’t have that much time on our hands. (Who does? I mean, really…) We came to the following conclusions from watching game highlights, reading written commentary, digging into Val’s football mind vault, and talking with each other about our feelings after singing kumbaya.
This is what we thought about week 1…
Seattle (36), Green Bay (16) – Playing in Seattle is tough, to say the least, so the end result of this game is not shocking. Honestly, I thought the game was a little boring because the Pack was over-matched and injured, but then again, I had a glass of wine in my hand and wasn’t completely paying attention. I felt bad for the Packers fan I was watching the game with until he asked me how many years it’s been since the Pats won the Super Bowl. (M)
Atlanta (37), New Orleans (34) – The Dirty Birds showed up. Roddy and Julio look soooo good coming back from their injuries. Two claps for the Falcons for using Devin Hester better than Da Bears. (V)
Cincinnati (23), Baltimore (16) – This just isn’t a good week for the Ravens. A loss to a division opponent and then the whole Ray Rice debacle. Ouch. In other news, A.J. Green did this. (M)
Buffalo (23), Chicago (20) – Didn’t see this coming. Losing a home game to the Bills? I mean, really. From what I read, Jay Jay (Bears QB) didn’t look like a man earning the big paycheck this off-season. Oh and Alshon Jeffery (Bears WR) got hurt. That’s bad for Da Bears. Grr. (V)
Houston (17), Washington (6) – Really regretting not naming my fantasy team Turn Down for Watt. He had seven quarterback hits, one sack, one fumble recovery, one pass knocked down, and for the love of God, he blocked a PAT (point after touchdown). WHO DOES THAT?!?! JJ Watt does, apparently. (M)
Tennessee (26), Kansas City (10) – You shouldn’t be surprised that the Titans are significantly better than last year with Whiz (Ken Whisenhunt) in the driver’s seat as head coach. This game was all Kansas City and how they’ve regressed from an impressive 2013 season. They’ve got issues on their O-line (offensive line), and are lacking receivers. Keeping up with the injury theme of the week, they lost two guys for the season with torn Achilles. (V)
Miami (33), New England (20) – Talk about a tale of two halves. Brady’s second drive in the first quarter was probably one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen in my entire life. It made me want to cry. I then wanted to cry for different reasons when the teams returned from halftime. All of the questions regarding the Pats offensive line re-surfaced during the second half, when the unit failed to perform against a Miami defense missing 3 (count ’em – 3!) of their starters. (That’s a really nice way of saying they sucked.) Kudos to the Dolphins for getting past their turnover-laden first half and dominating the second half. Miami RB Knowshon Moreno really knows how to make life hell for the Pats. The Pats were the only team without a win in the AFC East. As a result of all this, we’ve been in a terrible mood all day. (M)
New York Jets (19), Oakland (14) – If I were an east coast team facing a west coast team with a rookie quarterback and a depleted defense, I’m pretty sure I would have won the game too. Geno (Jets QB) is still hit or miss, Jets running game was looking good, and the Raiders running game was looking bad against a good run defense. We’re a little sad that we can’t make fun of Mark Sanchez anymore. (V)
Philadelphia (34), Jacksonville (17) – I was questioning all of my life decisions when the Jaguars were up 17-0 at halftime. Growing up near the Philly media, I assure you, they were calling for Chip Kelly’s (Eagles head coach) firing before the team scored 34 unanswered points. (M)
Pittsburgh (30), Cleveland (27) – Sure, the Steelers won, but Hoyer (Browns’s QB) scored 24 unanswered points to get them back in the game. We’ve got a soft spot for the ex-Pat, but that was an encouraging performance for Brown’s fans. Johnny Football (Johnny Manziel, the Brown’s backup QB and part-time aerobics instructor) might be sitting on the bench a little longer. (M)
Minnesota (34), St. Louis (6) – The Rams got booed at home. That’s sad. The Rams are in trouble with their quarterback situation, since they lost Sam Bradford prior to the start of the season and backup Shaun Hill got injured in Sunday’s game. Third-string QB Austin Davis played the second half of the game and his day sucked. Nothing says welcome to the NFL like 1 interception and 4 sacks. The Vikings, on the other hand, did NOT suck. In fact, they beasted it up. New coach Mike Zimmer (from the Bengals) has got that defense whipped into shape. Norvy (Norv Turner, Offensive Coordinator) is working his magic with Matt Cassell (QB) and Cordarrelle Patterson (WR). (V)
San Francisco (28), Dallas (17) – The 49ers weren’t the mess that everyone thought they would be. Poor Tony Romo. I mean, he usually carries the team, but he just had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. It’s gonna be a long season for Dallas without a defense. (V)
Carolina (20), Tampa Bay (14) – The real story is the Panthers won without their starting quarterback (Cam Newton). Didn’t see that one coming. New Buccaneer Logan Mankins got hurt, which lead to the following convo:
Val: Logan Mankins got hurt, that’s sad.
Michelle: MAYBE THAT WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED IF HE DIDN’T GET TRADED.
Michelle: Sorry about that. The anger is still there.
Val: Well, we could also go with MAYBE TOM WOULDN’T HAVE SPENT SO MUCH TIME ON THE GAME ON THE GROUND IF MANKINS DIDN’T GET TRADED.
True dat. (M)
Denver (31), Indianapolis (24) – Why does it always seem so easy for Peyton Manning? Mr. Papa John’s himself was firing on all cylinders. I’m ready to send Julius Thomas (Broncos TE) an extravagant flower arrangement and a box of chocolates on behalf of my fantasy team (Hotties with Bodies). In other news, Robert Mathis (Colts LB) tore his Achilles working out on his own and now he’s out for the season, even though he was already suspended for the first 4 games. (M)
Detroit (35), New York Giants (14) – Nothing I love better than a little Manningface…except a lot of Manningface, which is what you get when your offense can’t figure out its new scheme and your o-line has a bad night. Giants just looked sad. The Lions and Stafford (QB), on the other hand, looked good. New offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi has been a good influence on Stafford, as he was apparently going through all his reads and looking for better options rather than just throwing the ball and hoping someone from his own team nearby caught it. Golden Tate (Lions WR) and Megatron (Calvin Johnson, Lions WR) rocked it. (V)
Arizona (18), San Diego (17) – Chargers had this and blew it, even though their defense had some good plays. Arizona defense was much better than expected, considering their injuries, suspensions, etc. Cardinals receivers were good, especially Floyd and the rookie John Brown. Chargers are gonna regret this one cause they’re already a game behind the Broncos. Rivers looked good, then bombed at the end. Not much exciting to say for a game that was that close. (V)
As NFL.com’s Adam Shein said, “Football. You beautiful, delicious, intoxicating devil.”
– Val and Michelle